MIDNIGHT THOUGHTS: BEHIND THE IDOLS ON STAGE

MIDNIGHT THOUGHTS: BEHIND THE IDOLS ON STAGE

I am a K-pop fan, and around December, YG posted something about Baby Monster. These members of the group undergo a lot of pressure. They underwent different studies that were focused on dancing and singing. YG posted each member's skills on the internet, and Ruka got my attention. It was Ahyeon first, but when I saw Ruka, I felt the YG blood in her DNA. She has stage presence, and she is so good at dancing. Indeed, this group is a monster, and at such a young age, they are so talented. I thought it was the end, though. I thought YG would let them debut as seven members until he announced that only five members would be in the said group. I couldn’t help but feel nervous. 

I already saw what was coming. But who will know, right? What I mean by that is, if you watched YG Treasure Box, a survival show from YG that includes a lot of talented young stars, in one of the episodes, he even said that out of the 28 trainees, only seven or five of them would debut. I wasn’t sure if it was 28 trainees, but it was close to his statement. I was shocked and felt pressured to cast a vote for my biases too, which include Haruto Watanabe, Bang Yedam, and Choi Hyunsuk. I did watch all of the episodes and watched their journey as trainees, and I also cried with them. The only survival show that I watched and supported, and it was one of the most traumatic reality shows I had watched because I supported Team A so well, and watching them part ways was so torn and painful. In the first week, only 7 were announced, and I thought it was the end until he posted another picture until it became 13.

Surely, I was talking to Treasure 13, which is now Treasure. I also watched them become one group. From 13 to 12 to 10. Yoonbin left. Yedam left. Mashiho left. It was so heartbreaking. I was also shocked because YG isn’t the type of person who would invest in a bigger group. Just looked at the past few groups in YG. iKON had seven members. 2NE1 had four. BIGBANG had five. WINNER had five. BLACKPINK has four. AKMU has two. There were a lot of groups in YG that had fewer members, too. Even Jinusean and Sechskies. But if you are a YG fan, you will know that YG Entertainment focuses on rap and even dancing. They invest more in hip-hop. 

BABYMONS7ER had seven, so I guess it was okay. But all of the girl groups in YG had only four members. But these seven sync so well. So, I wasn’t even surprised if he wanted five. But it kind of hurts a little bit because I invested so much. Good thing he had another idea, which made me so happy. Perhaps it was for a show and a marketing strategy because YG is also a businessman, not just a producer.

After one week, on one of the Friday nights of the month, the channel posted the member's reactions, which I had some deep thoughts and realizations about while watching, especially for my girl Ruka. I cried and got emotional too by watching her reactions.

When Yang Hyunsuk announced that Ruka was the second member of the group, she smiled cutely, which I also adored from her, heaved a sigh of relief, and later on burst into tears. Yang Hyunsuk, on the other hand, continued to make his claims about why Ruka should debut and should be in the group. He even complimented her, which also made Ruka more emotional. Meanwhile, when he announced the last member of the group, Asa was still smiling; the disappointment wasn’t even evident on her face. This is where I realized something. Imagine that my idea just came out of nowhere while watching, and I had to remember it because I wasn’t holding my pen and my notebook to jot down my ideas, and who also damn knows that my idea will form while watching a video? No one. I even had no idea. This is the work of a writer. It was funny and tiring at the same time. It also proved how wonderful my ideas were. They just popped out of nowhere, and it was like Asa was fine and okay with it when the truth wasn’t. She cried in the last part, where YG had AHA and ‘BOOM’ moments.

Asa is so good at masking her emotions, and she was just nodding and smiling the whole time when Yang Hyunsuk said something to her. It wasn’t written on her face. She displayed so much facade personality, but it wasn’t until YG made a surprise almost at the end of the video that it made her emotional. She was part of the group #BABYMONS7ER. She couldn’t control her emotions anymore and just cried. It was a cry of relief for her. I didn’t know how much she wanted to cry, but she just remained happy, congratulating every member and still smiling. I had the same moments as her. After all the efforts I had made to prove myself to them, I was still not qualified. It was a frustrating feeling. I had the same feeling when one of my friends told me that she had seen the results of the class with honors. I badly wanted to be part of it. They even had the photos, but my name wasn’t there. I wanted to cry, but it didn’t happen because I was in a public place. I still gathered my confidence and acted as if I was okay, which didn’t bother me at all when in reality I was so disappointed. I remained smiling and said that it was okay and congratulated my peers, but not until the next morning, when the final list was announced and I was part of it. The ‘AHA’ moment of my life! I was happy at the same time. After all my efforts and frustrations, it did pay off. It was just the same feeling when I watched Asa. There is a resemblance to our experiences in life.

While watching the posted video, I realized that many of us were ASA. We hide our feelings by faking them into a smile, and when everyone is gone and we find ourselves alone, we burst into tears at the sound of the silence. I, then, asked everyone that if you have friends out there, please give them a hug, a pat on their shoulders, and tell them something that could light a fire in their eyes. We never know how much our words and actions could make a difference in our friends' lives. We never know how fragile they were when everyone is gone. We never know behind the reality of their sweet smile when the truth is that they were on the verge of giving up, but they just kept hanging on and holding on to that little hope of theirs. However, friends, we shouldn’t wait for another time to pass by because we never know when that little hope of theirs will turn into ashes with just a single trigger. In a flick of a finger, everything will turn into dust, so please show a little kindness to everyone. Being kind to everyone wouldn’t hurt our pride a little bit, and being kind doesn’t cost anything. Please be kind.

For Ruka, if you watched her introduction video that was posted months ago, she said there that: (Some of her friends are now in college and helping their parents). She couldn’t continue the words that she was about to say because she got emotional. Even though she didn’t continue her statement, those tears of hers speak so much volume and hold so much power. Even if she didn’t say anything, somehow we can relate to her words.

In life, we couldn’t help but compare our journey to someone else’s, and in the end, we would be the ones who were lost in the fog of thoughts, wondering why we were still here. Is everything worth the fight? What if I fail again? What if everything is not worth the risk? What if I am too old to know my passion and too young to start? Those what-ifs in our midnight thoughts haunt us every single day, especially if you are in a place right now where everything seems mundane, clueless, dark and lost. But we also have to remind ourselves that every phase isn’t constant. Just like Ruka, everything will soon be worth it. You just have to be patient with yourself because everything will fall into place soon.

 

In the last part, she said that her mom is waiting for her debut more than anyone else. And to someone who is a dreamer like many of us, having someone on our side when we are into something is the very biggest comfort that we could ever feel and have. Reaching something impossible from the start is hard, especially if everyone doubts your dream and yourself because they think that you are too young to start or too old to reach your dreams. However, believing in yourself is not impossible. You just have to believe in yourself, and the rest will follow. It may feel like a long and lonely road, but we have to be patient to reach our dreams. It requires a lot of grit and effort to stand in each of our mountains, but we will stand and reach them.

To everyone out there who chose a different career path, I just wanted to say to you that: (You are so brave, hang in there. Everything will be okay and turns out great soon. Your season will come, my love. Right now, if you are in a place where you felt stuck, hang in there, honey. Just breathe and live. At least, you are trying to live, and that’s something to be proud of! You don’t have to do anything. You just have to breathe, and take your time until everything will be okay and fine.)